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Alter Egos - I Am Done Watching This

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Thursday, December 27, 2007

AuthorHouse - Tell Us About Your Book

Tell Us About Your Book

What type of book do you want to publish?

-- Choose One -- Romance Mystery/Thriller Sci-Fi/Fantasy Adventure Children's Book Religious/Inspirational Historical Poetry Health/Mind/Body Religious/Inspirational Self-Help/How-To Biography/Memoir Art/Photography Sports/Recreation Hobby/General Interest Business/Personal Finance History Travel Other Non-Fiction Other Fiction
I am ready to publish:

-- Choose One -- Now 1 - 3 months 4 - 6 months 6+ months I do not have a work to publish yet.
In addition to publishing with AuthorHouse, which of the following have you published? (check all that apply)

Magazine Articles
Newspaper Articles
Other Books

How many titles have you published?

How was your book(s) published? (check all that apply)
Vanity Press
University Press

How many copies have you sold of your most successful book? 100 to 500 501 to 2,000 2,001 to 5,000 5,001 to 10,000 10,000 +

Tell Us About You
Which is the most important reason you want to publish your book?
-- Choose One -- I have something to say that can help people I want to earn extra income I make my living by writing I really enjoy it I have a title that is out-of-print and want to re-publish I have a story that needs to be told I want to support my business I want to support my ministry Other

What is your current occupation or career field?
-- Choose One -- Author/Writer/Poet Business Owner/Self-Employed Clergy/Religious Counseling Engineering/Architechture Finance/Insurance/Real Estate Health Care/Medicine/Science Law Enforcement/Fire Fighting Legal Management Manufacturing/Agriculture Office/Administrative Work Retired Sales Speaker/Consultant Student Teacher/Professor Trade/Construction Work

What question can we answer that would be most helpful to you?

-- Choose One -- How does the publishing process at AuthorHouse work? How do I market my book once it is published? Do you provide editing and proofreading assistance? Can you publish my book in 30 days? Can you create illustrations for my book? Other

Request Your Free Publishing Guide

USA & CanadaInternational
First Name:
Last Name:
Canada United States
Address Line 1:
Address Line 2:
-- Choose One -- Alabama Alaska American Samoa Arizona Arkansas Armed Forces Americas Armed Forces Euro/mid East/afr/can Armed Forces Pacific California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District Of Columbia Florida Georgia Guam Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Northern Mariana Islands Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Puerto Rico Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Unknown (bc) Utah Vermont Virgin Islands Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming
Postal Code:
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(Required Fields in Red)


Dead Beat has discovered AuthorHouse. It is a tonic - listen: Your Search for a Poetry Publisher is Over.
Since 1997, AuthorHouse has helped more poets reach their publishing goals than any other company in the world. Publishing your poetry book with AuthorHouse means you'll have all the services and support you need to publish, promote and sell your poetry book.
Publish!Choosing AuthorHouse to be your poetry book publisher means you retain all rights, control decisions regarding the design, distribution, promotion, royalty amount and sales of your book
Promote!No other book publisher offers you more services to help you promote your book in newspapers, book stores and on the internet.
Sell!When your book is finished, it’s available for order at more than 25,000 retail outlets worldwide, on the Internet at,, and through the AuthorHouse online publishing company book store.
To learn more, request a free copy of our Publishing Guide by completing the form on this page. Let us help you get your poetry in print today. Get started now!

Dead Beat is over the moon. He is requesting and completing - stay with me...

A Fully Developed Sense of Humor

End of the year - and everyone is counting up the best of the year. Best Book, Best Film, Best Concert, Best Album, Best Absentee Underwear... Best Who Cares?

Dead Beat is Stuck in Stuckism. Tracy Emin, Damien Hirst, Billy Childish - Ow, they all exclaim. I'm not a Medway Poet. I did not sleep in Tracy's tent (well what the heck, who did sleep - nudge nudge!) Fact is everyone slept. Hirst should be dropped in formaldehyde and exhibited. Emin should be poured over a Christmas Pudding and lit. And as for Billy Childish... let's just expel him from college and admit the Brit Pack is lack-ing. When Kylie Minogue name checks you in her ...album's time to knit yourself out of a relationship...

One purl, one plain, one purl, one plain.

Drink To Your Heart's Desiring

Ceremonies for Christmas
Robert Herrick (1648)

Come, bring with a noise,

My merry, merry boys,

The Christmas log to the firing,

While my good dame, she

Bids ye all be free,

And drink to your heart’s desiring.

With the last year’s brand

Light the new block, and

For good success in his spending,

On your psalteries play,

That sweet luck may

Come while the log is a-teending.

Drink now the strong beer,

Cut the white loaf here,

The while the meat is a-shredding;

For the rare mince-pie,

And the plums stand by,

To fill the paste that’s a kneading.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Word He Won't Use

Ireland's latest that's the word... it turns out has a lesser well known Daddy - Patrick Bartholomew who is the Managing Director of the increasingly aging CelticTigerLand. Who would have guessed?

Honest Bert that he is dons his anorak and crocodile tears and wants you to listen: "One of Bertie Ahern's dig-out pals handed him IR£16,500 in cash as he was having a quiet midweek pint in their local pub. Mr Carew told the tribunal yesterday about Mr Ahern's second dig-out, describing the sum as "a few pound".

Mr Carew described how he went to the safe at his pub and produced the folder of cash for Mr Ahern which he said had been gathered in different amounts over a week. "I said to him, 'Bert, the boys and myself want you to have this, a few pound towards a house',"

Mr Carew told the tribunal. He (Mr Ahern) said 'No,' I won't use the word he used and I said to him, 'the boys won't take it back, no feckin' way'," Mr Carew added.

Mr Ahern, he said, put the folder full of cash on the seat beside him and covered it with his coat.

"I said it to Bert a few times that he should get a feckin' house, and he said that he was in the process of saving for it. We decided to throw in a few quid each."

Mr Ahern offered to repay the money on numerous occasions. "He said something like, 'Dermot, I must fix up that few quid with you', but I told him I didn't want it."

Good Old Honest Bert. A few quid. We'll fix it up.

The Tales of Beedle the Bard and Other Great Fatalities

It's got to annoy you:

"LONDON (AFP) - A hand-written book of stories by J.K. Rowling -- the British author's first since the blockbuster Harry Potter series -- sold for 1.95 million pounds (2.71 million euros, 3.97 million dollars) at auction Thursday.


Auctioneers Sotheby's had thought "The Tales of Beedle the Bard" would fetch up to 50,000 pounds, but amid frantic bidding between a handful of buyers in London, it eventually sold for around 40 times that amount.

"The price achieved today stands as the highest price ever achieved at auction for a modern literary manuscript, an auction record for a work by J.K. Rowling, and an auction record for a children's book," a Sotheby's spokeswoman said in a statement...."

Dead Beat keels over, gasps out his last literary breath, but oh wait...

"...Rowling, 42, watched the auction on the Web from her home in Edinburgh, Scotland, and said she was ecstatic. "This will mean so much to children in desperate need of help," she said in a statement. "It means Christmas has come early to me."

Meanwhile the world of books dies page by page...

Oh and by the way who bought it... that other great literary inspiration... Amazon.Com

Yeah hey, the world is saved.

Friday, December 07, 2007

It's My Death Not Yours

James, your wish is my command.

The Natural Burial Ground of Literature

So your book has died a natural death. You have considered embalming but feel it is environmentally unsound. Let Dead Beat recommend an eco-cemetery. In this natural burial ground the body of your work returns to nature in a biodegradeable fashion. A memorial tree is planted above the grave. The decomposition of the body provides the nutrients the tree needs to survive.
This then is the secret to great writing: writing which participates in the natural cycle of life. Watch it live, guide it to its death, and encourage its decomposition.
Write on fellow Dead Beaters. There is nothing to fear from death.
Posted by Dead Beat at 10:37 PM

James said...
Hi Gerard - I love this photo - I remember taking it two years ago at Usk Castle Chase natural burial ground - we would appreciate a credit for your use of the photo and a link to our website ThanksJames

Best Comment Ever

Biggest Little Dead Beat said...
Mmmmmmm... Pie

Fascinated By Your Blog- Haven't A Clue What You Are Talking About

Dear Dead Beat:I am fascinated by your blog. I haven't a clue what you are talking about most of the time. Actually, I don't know at all what you are talking about any of the time. Maybe it is a language problem, or maybe it is a class discrepancy, a cultural dissimilarity, or just intellectual poverty on my part, but I do love Leonard Cohen. So, I come back to Dead Beat again and again always hoping there will be a breakthrough for me. Well, not today, but Leonard was lovely as usual. Where are you?

janala said...
Thank you so much for this wonderful visit with Leonard Cohen. Sorry to say, I've only discovered him lately, thanks to the DVD "I'm your man." But now I listen to him all the time, and slowly making my way though the Book of Mercies, day by day, each page a kind of prayer.I am very glad to know that he is a happy man now. (in his own way of course)Thank you again for letting me feel as if I were there too, being welcomed in his little house. He seems to be just the way I have imagined him.

Rodrigo said...
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Se você quiser linkar meu blog no seu eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. (If you speak English can see the version in English of the Camiseta Personalizada. If he will be possible add my blog in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).

Kelly Joyce Neff said...
Graham Irving took pupils to the Alps, beginning with George, Guy Bullock and Eddie Marsh, because his climbing partner had died.Have you read George's book 'Boswell the Biographer'? (1912) It's wonderful, as is his MS 'Geoffrey'- various climbing articles and the Expedition books go without saying.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Dead Beat Meets The Lemon Drop Kid

Let me take you back to the 23rd of the 1st 1949 when I find myself at the race track and who should I bump into, well settle back and listen as I tell you how I met The Lemon Drop Kid

Cider in your Ear

Early on, the great D.R. took Dead Beat aside, gave him these words of advice:

“One of these days. D. B., in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider.”

"I hear you, Damon," Dead Beat might have replied if he didn't have cider in his ears at the time.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Dancing Dan's Christmas

Dead Beat learned just about everything he knows from Damon Runyon (and maybe even a little more...) So seeing as it is Christmas almost, how better to start the season than the opening to Dancing Dan's Christmas. Word to the wise. Get your hands on everything D.R. ever wrote, read and then re-read.

"NOW one time it comes on Christmas, and in fact it is the evening before Christmas, and I am in Good Time Charley Bernstein's little speakeasy in West Forty-seventh Street, wishing Charley a Merry Christmas and having a few hot Tom and Jerrys with him. This hot Tom and Jerry is an old time drink that is once used by one and all in this country to celebrate Christmas with, and in fact it is once so popular that many people think Christmas is invented only to furnish an excuse for hot Tom and Jerry, although of course this is by no means true. But anybody will tell you that there is nothing that brings out the true holiday spirit like hot Tom and Jerry, and I hear that since Tom and Jerry goes out of style in the United States, the holiday spirit is never quite the same. The reason hot Tom and Jerry goes out of style is because it is necessary to use rum and one thing and another in making Tom and Jerry, and naturally when rum becomes illegal in this country Tom and Jerry is also against the law, because rum is something that is very hard to get around town these days. For a while some people try making Tom and Jerry without putting rum in it, but somehow it never has the same old holiday spirit, so nearly everybody finally gives up in disgust, and this is not suprising, as making Tom and Jerry is by no means child's play. In fact, it takes quite an expert to make good Tom and Jerry, and in the days when it is not illegal a good hot Tom and Jerry maker commands good wages and many friends. Now of course Good Time Charley and I are not using rum in the Tom and Jerry we are making, as we do not wish to do anything illegal. What we are using is rye whisky that Good Time Charley gets on a doctor's prescription from a drug store, as we are personally drinking this hot Tom and Jerry and naturally we are not foolish enough to use any of Good Time Charley's own rye in it. The prescription for the rye whisky comes from old Doc Moggs, who prescribes it for Good Time Charley's rheumatism in case Charley happens to get rheumatism, as Doc Moggs says there is nothing better for rheumatism than rye whisky, especially if it is made up in a hot Tom and Jerry. In fact, old Doc Moggs comes around and has a few seidels of hot Tom and Jerry with us for his own rheumatism...

Do Not Know - A New Technical Term

Dead Beat has an interest in American foreign policy. You knew that. Now take heed:

The starkly different view of Iran's nuclear program that emerged from U.S. spy agencies this week was the product of a surge in clandestine intelligence-gathering in Iran as well as radical changes in the way the intelligence community analyzes information. Drawing lessons from the intelligence debacle over supposed Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, Director of National Intelligence required agencies to consult more sources and to say to a larger intelligence community audience precisely what they know and how they know it -- and to acknowledge, to a degree previously unheard of, what they do not know.
" 'Do not know' is a new technical term for an NIE."

"It's not getting it wrong, it's that [the intelligence] collection may have been insufficient," said Laipson, now president of the Henry L. Stimson Center, a defense think tank. "It takes years to know the truth."

Writers. DNK.

It takes years to know the truth.

Put Your Hook Into the Atlantic Ocean

Claire Keegan. Irish writer. Richard Ford's pick for book of the year. It doesn't get any better than that.

Anyway D.B. remembers Claire swanning around Waterstones in Dublin when D.B. and C.K. were both included in the Phoenix Book of Irish Short Stories AllThoseYearsAgo.

"I grew up on a farm, the youngest of six children. Three boys and three girls on a mixed farm. We had tillage and cattle and horses and sheep and pigs and fowl. I was raised on fowl money when I was young."

Well the world moved on, the earth tried to shift on its axis. Listen to this. Words of advice from Ms. Keegan.

"If you're a writer you write. If you're a fisherman, you put your hook into the Atlantic Ocean."

Monday, December 03, 2007

That Great Canyon in the Sky

Dead Beat has moments when he thinks he may well be Evel Kneivel. In fact he knows he is. I did not die this week. I simply put my respiratory system on hold.

Evel, you brought me through a doubtful filled childhood.


You have ridden over that Great Canyon In The Sky